Lost and Found
by patricia51
Summary: Katniss has lost everyone. Prim, Peeta, Gale, her mother are all gone one way or another. But a surprise survivor appears to try to pull her back from the edge. Set at the end of "Mockingjay" and contains spoilers for that as well as a couple of changes. Femslash. Katniss/Madge romance.
1. Nightmares

Lost and Found by patricia51

(Katniss has lost everyone. Prim, Peeta, Gale, her mother are all gone one way or another. But a surprise survivor appears to try to pull her back from the edge. Set at the end of "Mockingjay" and contains spoilers for that as well as a couple of changes. Femslash. Katniss/Madge romance.)

(Note: Although not exactly a sequel to my Katniss/Madge story "Welcome Home" it does assume that the pair did have the one night romance in that story.)

(Nightmares)

I lay on my bed. The bed I once assured myself was too soft to let me sleep. Now I can barely make myself get out of it. Not that I want to sleep. That only brings nightmares. But are they any worse than the ones I have when I'm awake?

Everyone is gone. I know that I was already teetering on the edge during that last push to the Capitol. The team had been whittled down to the last few and we had been scattered even as we tried to blend in with the refugees flowing towards the center. I was focused, determined to carry out the one thing that was holding me on to any semblance of sanity. I was going to kill President Snow.

Eyes open or eyes closed the same images appear as though they were some kind of show that I can't stop...

Turning the last corner and seeing the huddled masses of Capitol children herded on to the mansion's lawn by the Peacekeepers...

The Capitol marked hovercraft appearing and the rain of silver parachutes...

The explosions among the children, throwing dead and horribly maimed young bodies everywhere...

The rush of the Rebel medics to help and the sight of Prim among them...

My desperate attempt to reach her even as I realized what was about to happen...

Being nearly knocked to the ground as Peeta appears out of nowhere to rush past me, hurling himself frantically towards my sister...

The second wave of explosions and the sight of both Prim and Peeta being hurled through the air to land with sickening lifeless thuds in front of me...

How did he know? How did he get there? We had left him behind in the final rush to the Capitol. But somehow he had found his way there and even before me realized what was about to happen and made that attempt to save her.

So Prim's gone and Peeta's gone. My mother has left for District Four and I know she's never coming back. Who could blame her? There's nothing here but old and sad memories. I'm only here because I have no where left to go. She left me a letter but I can't make myself open it. Too much effort.

Gale is in District Two now. Some new and exciting job. I guess I'm happy for him. He's strong and handsome and brave; he'll have the girls flocking to him. I can't. There will always be that line between us; the possibility that Gale designed or even built the bombs that killed Prim and Peeta. He can't even tell me for sure that he didn't.

The phone rings again but I ignore it. Probably Doctor Aurelius calling for a session. I ignored him at the Capitol and I'm still ignoring him here. I can't think of anything I want to say, anything that might make me feel better. I don't deserve to feel better.

I don't understand why I'm alive. So Coin really did arrange for the bombing; if she set it up so Prim would be in the frontline so she would be killed along with Capitol children and the other Rebel medics in order to whip up the hatred for Snow and his accomplices to a fever pitch, allowing her to assume total control in the Districts' thirst for vengeance. If I had been killed by anything or anyone; a pod, a crazed Peeta, a Peacekeeper. Even a stray round. I know she hoped I would die. I had served my purpose, been the Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion. After that I was nothing more than a threat to her power.

So why didn't I die? If I had, if any of those close calls in combat or even better in training when I KNOW I was being set up had happened would it have changed the ending? The Capitol would still have fallen; Snow would have still paid for his crimes against the people of Panem. Would Coin have still arranged for Prim to be in that first wave of medics? If I had been safely dead would she still be alive? Or would Prim have been sacrificed anyway? The death of the Mockingjay AND the sister she had tried so hard to save would have been great propaganda. Better than the Capitol's film we watched every year.

The sound of the kitchen door opening and closing interrupts my dark thoughts. Greasy Sae has arrived to make me breakfast. I suppose it's breakfast. I think it's morning.

Yes it is morning. I can tell because she makes me eggs and toast. As always, she sits and waits until I've eaten it all. Her granddaughter roams the house. She might as well, I never do. As always she returns with some trinket she has found. Greasy Sae instructs her to return it to wherever she found it. As always I tell her she can keep it. Why not? There's nothing here that I can think of I want to keep.

I spend the day as I spend all of them. I sit and ignore the world around me. I ignore the phone. I ignore the sounds of the people who have returned here. I know they're cleaning up. In one of my rare peeks out of the windows I saw Thom, Gale's old workmate, directing a crew that was going house to house cleaning up and recovering the remains of the people that died in the bombing. That day they were picking through the mayor's house and were carrying bagged bodies out. I guess being the Mayor of District Twelve didn't help that family. I felt another flash of pain. That meant Madge was gone too.

Greasy Sae appeared right on schedule to make supper. This time though when her granddaughter appeared she was holding something that floored me.

"That's, that's my father's jacket," I stammered. "I thought it would have burned up."

"Oh dear, I'm so forgetful," Greasy Sae apologized as she firmly relieved the girl of the jacket and handed it to me. "This and some other items were saved before the fire got to them. They're in the living room."

That explains it. I've not been there since I returned. After Greasy Sae and the girl leave I'm almost tempted to go and see what's there. But that's too much effort. Instead I go back to bed with my father's jacket wrapped around me.

It's dark. Coal dust is everywhere, choking me and blinding me. I know where I am. I'm in the mine. And it's all falling on top of me. I can't find a way out. The walls close on me, burying me forever. I try to scream but the dirt and dust fill my lungs.

"Oh my God Nooooooooo." I wake up screaming, desperately drawing air into my lungs. I can tell someone is with me. A pair of arms encircles me, rocking me gently as a soft voice whispering meaningless sounds of reassurance. I look into the worried, caring face of the person holding me and realize that I must still be having the nightmare. For that person is dead. Isn't she? And before I can stop myself I blurt that out.

"You're dead!"

(To be continued)


	2. Survival

Lost and Found, Chapter 2 by patricia51

(Survival)

"You're dead." The face above me doesn't change, doesn't disappear. I try to reason with her. Maybe if I explain it again she'll understand and let me wake up. "Madge, you're dead."

Instead of vanishing the apparition leans forward and brushed her lips over mine. To belong to a ghost these lips are awfully warm and soft and sweet. Confused, I consider that. If this is a nightmare than why is something so nice happening to me? Could I possibly be awake? Could she really be here? While I consider all that something totally unexpected happens

"Ouch! Madge did you just pinch me?"

She smiles and the familiar soft silvery laugh fills the room and for the first time in a very long time I feel like smiling myself.

"I had to show you that you weren't still asleep." She pretended to pout. "A kiss certainly didn't seem to work so I had to try something else."

Maybe this IS real.

"I thought you were dead." I tell her.

"Until recently I thought you were dead too," Madge replies.

"I saw the cleanup crew at your house," I insist. "They were taking bodies out."

Her face saddens. "I know. But I wasn't there."

"How?"

Madge's eyes look away, focusing on some place she can only see in her mind.

"The night before the bombing they came for me."

"Who?"

"The Peacekeepers. Thread was leading them." I nod. It would certainly ne like him to make sure he was present for the arrest of a lovely young woman. But of course he would also be required to be present for taking the Mayor's daughter.

"When the Peacekeepers crashed through the door my father demanded they leave. He stood up to them, demanding to be told what was going on and reminding them of his position. It did nothing but I was proud of him. Thread simply grabbed me and had two of his men drag me away, right over my father who tried to stand in their way. They bundled me into a hovercraft and I was on my way to the Capitol."

Now that I knew I was awake and she actually was here I struggled to at least sit up without disturbing Madge's arms around me. Now that I knew they were real I liked them. It was then I saw the scars on those arms running up under the long sleeves of her blouse. I saw burn marks on her neck and another scar on her face that ran from her hairline down her jawbone to her chin and then to her throat.

"My God Madge," I whispered. "What did they do to you?"

She shrugged. "The charge was treason. They knew we were friends and by that time they were desperate to find you."

"But they knew that I, that all of the victors who had escaped from the arena, were in District Thirteen," I protest. "And how would you know anything, even that?"

Madge shrugged. "I think so much of what the Capitol did, or rather what the people behind the scenes who controlled the place did, was hidden. Even from each other. Things were so secret that the people who arrested me, who questioned me, may not have even had any idea that President Snow and some of his advisors and others knew exactly where you were. On the other hand they may well have known and didn't care. You know that much of what they did; to Peeta, to Johanna Mason, to the Avoxs was meant to intimidate the rebels. 'See what happens to you when you commit treason' type stuff meant to make people afraid."

I nodded agreement. Of course so much of what the Capitol did was exactly that; actions meant to humiliate and strike fear into the people of the districts. Just like the Hunger Games themselves. And some was aimed at specific targets.

I didn't know that I had spoken any of those thoughts out loud until Madge tightened her hold on me and replied.

"Yes, especially you."

Oh God. Guilt floods back all over again, guilt that the sight and of feel of my friend had pushed back just for a little bit.

"It was because of me," I say.

"No Katniss it was NOT because of you." Madge is almost fierce in her determination to make me see her point. But she always has been determined. And strong. Whatever they did to her hasn't changed her. Rather I think it's just made her stronger. How amazing. "Kat when someone points a weapon at you it's not your fault that they are trying to rob you. You don't cause that. It's because of the robber's greed. What was done to Peeta, to the Avoxs, was done to hurt you yes but because greedy selfish and even yes evil people cling to power doesn't cast any guilt on you."

She relaxes her hold on me slightly. At first I think she's going to pull away but before I can even think to protest I realize it's just so she can touch my face with her hand.

"As for me, don't be silly. You had no idea about me at all. How could that be something aimed at you? As for them trying to find out from me where you were, even the interrogators knew the idea was ridiculous. The majority of the time I was left alone and even when I was questioned they were floundering. They'd do dumb things. One time a new interrogator who may have known more than the others yelled at me 'We know she's in District Thirteen. Where is she? I mean he just answered his own question. I honestly don't think they believed I knew anything. In fact I suspect sometimes that Thread may have heard a whisper about the bombing and used my arrest as an excuse to leave the District. He certainly had enough of his cronies on board, more than were needed to guard one lone girl. So often I thought the questioning was random because they had no real clue of anything to ask me."

"But," I struggle with this because I have no desire to stir up memories but I need to ask. It's my turn to reach up and lay a fingertip on the long scar on her face. "But they didn't always just ask."

Madge covers my hand with hers and leans her face against my palm. "No," she replies, "there were times when they didn't ask anything. They just did things."

It's obvious that we are going to leave it at that. I certainly am not going to ask what they used on her. I shiver though at the idea of what could have caused those marks on her, what she must have gone through. And yet she is still Madge. My friend. Her eyes hold mine steadily and there are memories of pain and fear there but underneath them is the steady quiet strength she always has had.

"Kat?"

It's funny. I don't think anyone has ever shortened my name like that. And from anyone else I would bring them up short. But I like it when Madge calls me that. Once again I feel a little thawing deep in my soul.

"Kat?" she repeats.

"Yes?"

"It's over. It's done. Memories will follow me all my life but for right now there is something I need to ask you that is much more urgent, especially with you so close."

For a moment I'm still. What could she want to ask? Is it some kind of declaration? What? Then I see the twinkle in her eyes.

"Are you aware Katniss my dear sweet friend of exactly how bad you smell?"

(To be Continued)


	3. Cleanup

Lost and Found, Chapter 3

(Cleanup)

"Are you aware Katniss my dear sweet friend of exactly how bad you smell?"

For a moment I was so startled that I think my mouth actually fell open in surprise. I know I couldn't think of a thing to say at first. But as her gentle question sank in I began to notice a few things.

I squirmed a little. My skin itched and not just in one place either. My scalp alone was demanding that it be furiously scratched. A lock of my hair wobbled in front of my eyes as if to call attention to itself. It was unbelievably tangled and greasy. And then I followed the hint Madge had given me, took a deep breath and for the first time in a long time I paid attention to what I sniffed.

Oh my. It's pretty bad when you are so ripe that you gag yourself. How in the world has Madge been able to calmly sit here and hold me close without showing any signs of distress? I must look nearly as bad as I did at the end of the first Hunger Games. I know I smell a great deal worse.

I stagger to my feet and nearly fall down even with Madge rising with me and still holding me. I get us to the kitchen where Greasy Sae has left the fire banked and glowing so she can start it again easily in the morning. I tear at my filthy clothing and Madge helps by making sure I don't fall. As each garment comes free in a rain of dead skin I throw it on the fire.

Regardless of all the other changes that have taken place in my life, in me, one thing remains constant. I don't feel comfortable with nudity, especially my own. But somehow with Madge I'm not nude; I just don't have any clothes on. Probably that mental distinction is meaningless but it's important to me. I'm not embarrassed. Not even with her arm wrapped around me as she guides me to the shower. She turns the water on. Steam billows before she is satisfied and the all but pushes me into the hot water.

God it feels good. So good in fact that I just lean against the wall, close my eyes and let the water beat down on my body. I know this isn't getting me much cleaner but it takes almost all my energy just to stand up. That is until cool air washes across my body as Madge joins me.

"For goodness sake Kat," she grumbles. "Clean up first THEN relax. Besides, in a minute you'll be asleep and probably drown."

I wasn't embarrassed being naked in front of Madge. And now? Now that she is naked as well? I should be, even with what we have shared before but somehow, unbelievably there is nothing sexual about her actions or indeed how I feel. Her hands are all over me but they are busy with soap and scrub brush and washcloth. Her body is pressed against mine but those lovely slender curves are only holding me up. Aren't they?

There is a stirring deep inside me. I welcome it because finally something is reminding me that I'm alive and that perhaps I haven't lost everyone I care about. But right now I'm honestly just reveling in her helping me wash up. I open my eyes and peek. My gosh she's lovely. A little frown on her face as we work together to untangle my hair and shampoo it clean. The water cascades down her body and I follow it from her face to where it darkens the little triangle of hair between her legs. Legs that flex as she stands on her toes and massages my scalp.

The rush of heat settles into a feeling that gently warms my entire body. Not lust, not even sexual attraction even though she was my first time, boy or girl. Perhaps it's that I don't have the energy for that. Not yet anyway. More likely it's because more than anything else right now I need my strong quiet friend who seems to have come back from the dead just for me. Besides, her touches just feel so good, feel safe and relaxed, not aroused. Maybe that's crazed but somehow I think that's how she is feeling too.

The water shuts off and Madge helps me dry off. She guides me not to my room but to my mother's and firmly sits me down on the edge of the bed. She briskly towels my hair. I almost say something about the incredible way you can dry your hair at the Capitol with just a touch but I have better sense than that. I'm sure Madge wants nothing to remind her about that place right now. When she finishes with my hair she helps me into a loose floppy top that nearly reaches my knees. She is already wearing something similar.

"Your room is a mess, to make the greatest understatement of my life. So sleep here tonight." She pulled back the covers and gently urged me into the bed then drew the sheet and blanket back over me. "Sleep tight."

Panic sets in for a moment as she moves to turn out the light. "Where are you going?"

"I was going to go sleep on the couch. Your room is out of the question and I wouldn't feel right in Prim's room," she answers in surprise.

I fumble for words. Now that I'm beginning to feel alive again at least a little bit I don't want to be alone, especially if the dreams come back. But I don t know how to ask Madge to stay without it seeming like I'm looking for more than a friend to be close to me if I wake in the middle of the night.

Once again I underestimate Mage. "Kat, do you want me to stay?"

I nod.

She sits on the end of the bed. "Sometimes," she hesitates then goes on, "Sometimes I have bad dreams Kat. I might wake you up."

Of course she has nightmares too. And of course she doesn't want to admit it, to burden me with what terrifies her in the middle of the night. But really.

"Madge, what exactly did you think was going on when you found me this evening?"

She looks startled and then grins sheepishly.

"Move over."

I squirm closer to the other side of the bed. She turns off the light and slips under the covers beside me. We're not touching but we're close enough that our hands rest within inches of each other as we lie facing each other.

"Goodnight Kat."

"Goodnight Madge."

Twice I wake up in the middle of the night. The first time Madge is tossing and turning, shifting back and forth. She's muttering words I can't understand but there is no mistaking the fear in her voice. I capture her hand in mine and hold it tight. Her fingers lace in mine and after a bit she relaxes and rests. The second time I wake as Peeta rushes by me once again trying to reach Prim while I try to scream a warning to both of them. I've rolled on to my other side at some time or another and Madge is spooned up against my back and her arm is around me. I catch her hand in mine and draw her arm tighter even as I move back to fit firmly against her warmth. After that nothing disturbs either of us until the morning sun flood through the window.

I sit up abruptly. I m alone. Did I imagine all that happened last night? But then I hear the clatter of pans in the kitchen and Madge's voice chatting with Greasy Sae and I relax. In fact I actually doze off the creak of the bed wakes me again and I get an early morning kiss from a pair of increasing familiar lips.

"Breakfast is ready sleepy head."

For the first time since that day I find that I'm looking forward to what the new day brings. I get up and get dressed.

(To be continued)


	4. Fresh Air

Lost and Found, Chapter 4

(Fresh Air)

I make it to the table just as Greasy Sae put two loaded plates on it. I eye what's in front of me. Not only is there the usual eggs and toast but there are strips of bacon and sausage patties. Then, of all things, a glass of orange juice appears beside my plate AND a cup of what I know instantly is hot chocolate.

"How?" I look at Greasy Sae who smiles and jerks her head at the girl in the chair beside me, already busy with her fork.

"Madge brought this and more from the Capitol when she came home yesterday." Greasy Sae smiles and points at her granddaughter who is busy devouring a fresh orange with another one already beside her. "No don't eat the peel but save it and we can use it later," she tells the girl.

I pick up my own fork and hesitate. Then the aroma hits me and I dig in. I don't even slow down as I wolf down everything on the plate. For the first time in a long time I actually taste the food. The orange juice is so cold it can barely be above freezing and hot chocolate thaws my mouth and throat so I alternate sips.

Then I'm looking at an empty plate, mopped shiny clean with my last piece of toast and a glass and cup that each have barely a drop or two in them. And Madge laughs her soft gentle laugh and I realize she's right behind me and leaning over my shoulder with a pitcher in her hand that steam rises from.

"More chocolate?"

Two things strike me. I really do want more chocolate for starters. The other is a bit more immediate. It's the touch of her free hand on my arm and the pressure of her breasts against my back. I can even tell that she is not wearing any undergarment beneath the loose sleeveless shirt she has on. I know that because I can feel her nipples through the material. Not exactly hard but not exactly soft. Just like mine are right now.

Then my cup is full again and she's moved away. She puts the pitcher down on a pad on the table and straightens up. She thanks Greasy Sae and they leave.

"Okay, you finish your chocolate and then join me. I'm going to get busy."

"What are we doing?" I ask. And there is a spark of interest in my voice for a change. I want to know. And it can't be just because barefoot Madge is moving gracefully around the room and the shorts she's wearing show off her slender legs so well. She leaves the room and my eyes follow her and those legs and up to where they stop and her bottom flexes under the shorts.

"We," she tosses over her shoulder, "are going to clean up." I hear the windows being opened one by one and a breeze starts to fill the room. It feels nice.

I should get up and help when Madge bustles by with all the sheets and stuff from my bed. I hear the clang of the washing machine lid and then the rush of the water starting to fill it. She's quite competent with it. But then the Mayor's house actually HAD a washing machine. To me, like the shower we shared last night, it was just something never experienced until I went to the Capitol and then came home to live here. We scrubbed our clothes in a tub, the same tub in fact where we bathed in water we heated on the stove.

I pull myself up short. Am I actually getting mad at Madge because her life before the rebellion was easier than mine? Madge, who not only has been my friend and more than my friend a voice whispers in my ear, but who has lost just as much as I have? Who seems to be here just for me? As Haymitch would say in his full blown sarcastic way "Good job sweetheart". I shake my head. Thank God those were fleeting thoughts and I never even got up from the table or for once opened my big mouth. I shake my head a second time and go join Madge as she hauls my mattress outside to lie in the sun. Then we break out the mops and cleaners and scrubbers and start the real job.

By the time Greasy Sae returns to fix dinner we are both pooped but the house is clean from top to bottom. Most important to me the scent of President Snow and his damned white rose has vanished forever. I ache all over but it's from bending and scrubbing and working and that's all to the good. The hot shower, which I take all by myself tonight, feels wonderful. And though Madge apparently trusted me not to drown as well as wash myself clean when I make my way to the bedroom we shared last night it's only a few minutes before she joins me. This time it's her who squirms back up against me. Automatically I put my arm around and her and she puts her arm over it as we snuggle.

"Good night Kat," she yawns.

"Good night Madge," I reply.

I want to stay awake for a bit. I want to think about this girl laying beside me. I want to sort out the confusion that she's causing me. Is she experiencing that same confusion? I can't manage to sort out this relationship we have. Yes, we're friends. We always have been although that friendship only began to run deep on the day I volunteered for the Reaping. Then when I returned we had that one night together, a night that was as much a surprise to her as it was to me I believe. Did that make us lovers? We never repeated it; we never spoke of it. Of course I was spending all my time with Gale and Peeta up till the Quarter Quell. The only time I really saw her after that night was when she struggled through the snow to bring the morphling for Gale after he was whipped. Always there when she was needed the most. Just like she is now.

My mind wants to continue this but I'm too tired after a day of work such as I haven't had since I came back home. I fall asleep. I still have nightmares but tonight they seem faceless, scary rather than terrifyingly real. It's better. Maybe it's helping Madge too because she doesn't wake me up tonight.

She's gone again in the morning when I pry one eye open against the sun. Obviously Madge has left the drapes open and the sun is better than any alarm. I sniff. Greasy Sae must be here. I smell food.

When I get up I find clothes laid out for me. Katniss type clothes; undergarments, pants, a long sleeved blouse and soft boots. They're not housecleaning clothes for sure. I wonder what's planned for today. My steps slow for a moment. I find that really want to know and that's interesting in itself.

The food is good once again and the hot chocolate as wonderful as ever. I smile a little, remembering the first time I had it along with Peeta on the train to our first Hunger Games. Madge cocks her head at me and I look to see if I spilled some of it or something.

"What is it?" I ask her.

"Nothing," she answers, which of course means it's something. But I know Madge. If she wants me to know whatever it is I'll have to wait until she's darned good and ready to tell me. Hard headed woman I think, refusing to acknowledge that some people have been known to apply that label to me.

After breakfast, and a second cup of chocolate, I look at her.

"What's in store for today?"

"I'd like to take a walk."

"A walk? Where?"

"Out past the fence."

I'm startled. It's on the tip of my tongue to ask why. But then, I think I'd like to do that too.

(To be continued) 


	5. Confessions

Lost and Found, Chapter 5 by patricia51

(Confessions)

(Caution: Although they are not graphic this chapter contains mention of torture and rape.)

I have never in my life been this out of shape I realize. By the time Madge and I have reached the old District boundary I'm short of breath and my legs ache. The power has been permanently cut to the fence but branches prop up the wire to keep predators out. But maybe one day it will come down and District Twelve will grow out into what was once the wild. I don't know whether to be excited about that or sad. It's good that things are changing, that the returning people are not condemned to the poverty and danger of the mines. The machines have already started arriving that will clear ground for crops and for the new medicine factory.

At the same time this area out here represented the one place I could be free. It was always a refuge, not just the place where I came to feed my family. It was the only place I could allow memories of my father to touch me and not always shove them into the back of my mind with regret, sadness and bitterness. It was my safe place even though times like the capture of the girl by the hovercraft proved that it was anything but safe.

It was also my meeting spot with Gale. But whatever I had with him, whatever I might have had to come, is all gone now. Gone like everything else. Well, I still have Haymitch I suppose.

Don't be stupid Katniss, I tell myself. You have someone. Someone who came back from the dead for you. I sneak a little sideways peek at Madge as she walks beside me. The wind blows her long dark hair across her face and she rakes it out of the way so she can continue to drink in this new world.

"It's beautiful," she says wistfully. "I wish I had come here before. But regardless I'm very glad I'm here now."

"Me too," I blurt out before I can stop myself. Then I reconsider and think to myself why not? I AM glad she's here.

I realize something else too. Madge is moving as slow as I am and it's not just because she's trying to keep pace with me. More than once I see her favor her right leg and once I see her wince as she steps down into a small hole unexpectedly and jars her body.

"Madge don't you think we've come far enough?"

"If you want but I really would like to see the lake."

I smile. "Your wish is my command." She laughs and I wonder where that flowery language came from. Am I trying to flirt with her? Flirting has never been my strong suit. Okay flirting has never been in my repertoire at all. I suck at it even worse than I do at getting people to like me. Those two things are probably somehow connected I suppose.

We reach the lake, both of us huffing and puffing now. And Madge really is limping. She unfolds the blanket she brought on the ground and collapses on it. I hesitate for a moment but she reaches up, grabs my hand and pulls me down. Then she pulls her knees up under her chin and wraps her arms around her legs like she did that afternoon in the Meadow. An afternoon that seems a lifetime away.

It's a beautiful spring day, the kind of day that the old Katniss always loved. But there's nothing left of her now. Nothing left to love. Except, maybe there is. I sneak a look as I stretch my legs out on the blanket, propping myself on my hands behind me while sitting down next to her a bit closer than mere friendship might encourage. The same breeze that ruffles the lake floats Madge's hair right out behind her now and I can see her face. Her lovely face, marked with the scars but still quietly strong.

What is her secret? How does she cope? And why is she here with me? Before I can stop myself I ask.

"Madge?" For a moment I can't seem to go further until she turns her head and looks at me, a questioning look on her face. "Madge how do you do it? After all you have lost," I wave behind us in the direction of the district, "after all you have been through," unable to stop myself I reach out and touch the scar running down her neck, "how do you manage to stay so, well," I grope for the right word but all I can come up with, "well, normal?"

Madge looks over at me but she's not seeing me. Her eyes are focused on some place far away and whatever she sees makes her tremble. Not much, someone who doesn't know her as well as I do wouldn't see it but I do. And it scares me. What could have happened that would make steady, strong Madge shake with fear? For it's fear I see in her eyes.

I want to say something that will erase the last couple of minutes. But if there was any such thing I would have used it that day at the President's mansion. And Madge is speaking now and my quiet friend's voice is so low that I have to lean over to her and still strain to hear.

"Because if I don't keep my mind set on the here and now I'm afraid I'll find myself back in those rooms deep under the Capitol. The ones the good citizens never even heard of, the ones where I can hear the screams and cries of the others and my imagination runs riot thinking about what might be happening to them. Then the Peacekeepers come; Thread and his goons to drag me to the chains that hang from the ceiling so I can swing freely as they use the whips and the pincers. When they get carried away there's the flames and even all that is not the worst. That's reserved for when they drag me to the cold metal table, fasten me to the four corners and use me."

I see the struggle it takes for her to wrench her mind back here, for her eyes to focus on me. I can see the tremendous effort of will it takes for her to overcome the storm, to force it down back into the dark deep recesses of her mind. I'm shaking now, because my question helped let it out.

"Kat. KAT! Are you alright?"

Oh my God how can she ask that? After what she just told me, after what I provoked? How can she be worried about me? It's not as if I deserve it. Why aren't I dead? If I was dead I wouldn't have had to see the agony in her eyes. Just like all the others. My head begins to spin.

Prim... Peeta... Prim... Cinna... Prim... Rue... Prim... Finnick... Prim... Mags... Prim... Seeder... Prim... the Star Squad members... Prim... my father... Prim... the people of District Twelve who died in the bombing... Prim... the rebels who died... Prim... the Capitol children sacrificed by Coin... Prim...

My head spins around and around and the vortex draws me in as the toll mounts and I don't even realize at first that now I'm chanting the names aloud and now I'm screaming them. And then it's only one name over and over again.

I'm so lost that I don't even know at first what is holding me and I struggle to get free. I twist and kick and try to punch. Are these arms dragging me down into the ground, into the pit? I should be dead but I don't want to go to Hell. But they don't let go and then I realize it's Madge rocking me and she's crying and sobbing and I throw my arms around her and hold her as well. I cry along with her for Prim, for everything that I have lost and everything that she has lost. Somehow in the midst of all this grief and loss I feel my heart begin to ease.

Madge wipes the tears from my face and I do the same for her. I don't lose touch with her. She's my rock and perhaps, amazingly I am hers. I never thought I could be that for someone. Not anymore and it fills me with warmth like I haven't felt in a very long time. It gives me the courage to ask another question.

"Why did you come back here Madge?"

"Because I love you Kat."

(To be continued)


	6. Day by Day

Lost and Found, Chapter 6

(Day by Day)

We made our way back to my house. Our house now. Greasy Sae was already preparing supper by the time we made it, both so exhausted by effort and emotion that we had to stop more than once and recover on the way home. After supper we cried again, holding each other for support. With Madge's encouragement I called my mother and amazingly found the energy to cry for a third time with her.

After that there was no energy even though I managed to shower by myself without fear of drowning. Madge had already done so while I was on the phone and was curled up in bed half asleep by the time I got there. I snuggled against her and she draped an arm over me.

"Madge?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Yes Kat?" she yawned back.

The moment is right here and I find that after all we have been through I can't get three little words out. But everyone I say them to leaves me one way or another. I know that's not going to happen with Madge but I just can't tempt fate.

"Goodnight," I finally manage to say.

"Goodnight." I drift off with her close against me and almost miss it when she whispers "I know."

I can't hide anything from her I guess. It makes me smile as I fall asleep.

The days settle into a routine. I talk to my mother; I finally start talking to Doctor Aurelius. The talks turn into shared sessions at times. It seems he worked with Madge some before she came home. She had already been following his central piece of advice; go through the motions until something has meaning again. We're fortunate that already something does have meaning. Each other. And other things begin to fall into place.

As the daughter of the late Mayor of District Twelve people look to Madge for direction. It's rather ironic because of course her father was appointed under the auspicious of the Capitol. But I guess in a way it makes sense. She's a link to how "things have always been done" even with the complete upheaval in things. Besides, Madge did more for many people than I will ever know and people respected her back then and respect her still. Knowing that she was imprisoned and tortured by the Capitol only adds to her reputation. Even if she still sometimes wakes up screaming in the middle of the night when she's with anyone else she's the calm, quiet and strong girl that people depend on.

Including me. Especially me. Because she holds me in the night more often by far than I hold her. But at the same time it's good for me to be able to hold her when it's my turn to comfort her, to tell her that it's alright, that I have her. Being someone's strong shoulder helps me not to need hers quite so often.

I still do though. In the dark the dead still gather around me sometimes. But a pair of strong arms and a gentle voice holds them at bay, even reminding them that they loved me and I loved them or it wouldn't hurt. Sometimes now I see Prim and it's not during that last terrible frozen moment. I see her sleeping with Lady that first night we had that little goat or other scenes of daily life. Peeta is no longer throwing his life away trying to save her. Instead we're together in the cave during the first Hunger Games with me waking up in his arms. It was then that I really did begin to love him.

Does that make me disloyal somehow? I DID grow to love Peeta but he's gone and now I have Madge. In some ways I always did I suppose. Oh not that I pinned for her or dreamed about her when I was with Peeta but the warm feelings for her as a friend and more than a friend were always there.

And me? What am I doing? I'm still the Mockinjay but I'm a warrior without a war, a figurehead without a mission, an assassin without a target. Hopefully I never will need to fill any of those roles again. Instead I help Madge with her work and I embark upon a project to remember all those people who have gone and those who remain. I fill pages and pages with memories. I contact Doctor Aurelius and a computer hookup arrives in days, a hookup that allows me to search the vast Capitol archives for pictures and print them out. Pictures of Peeta, Prim, Rue, Finnick and so many others. They go into the book I assemble each day. A book will help me remember and perhaps will also help others to remember as well what we have been through to get to where we are now. Maybe, just maybe Plutarch is right. Maybe this time peace sticks with us.

And then there's Madge. One night it happens again. We snuggle together and then it becomes so much more.

I roll on my side to face her and she strokes my face with her fingertips. I capture those fingers in one hand and kiss them one by one. My other hand touches her neck, feeling the pulse there as it speeds up. I explore down and under the softness of her nightshirt I find the softness of her breast tipped in a point that is already hard.

The pale light of a half full moon allows us to see the sparkle in each other's eyes. Slowly our lips draw close. Not slow because we are afraid but rather because each second makes us both breathless with anticipation, anticipation that is wonderful for each second it's delayed. Irresistibly we come together and the kiss ignites the fire that has smoldered in deeply banked embers since that first night together so long ago.

I drag her shirt off and she does the same for me. Nothing will come between us now. I pull her to me and she comes willingly into my arms and I into hers. Our mouths lock again. We hold each other as if we will never let go. In some ways I know we never will. Our bodies mold, our legs intertwine and our hands roam wildly over each other. To touch her everywhere is not enough. I need to taste her, to feel her shudder under the touch of my lips. I need the same from her. I need to possess her and be possessed.

She arches under me as I rain kisses on every inch of her I can find. I want all of her. She explodes under me and then it's my turn to writhe on our bed as she drives me out of my mind with her attentions. Finally we lay together, naked and happy with the cool night air rushing over us until finally we shiver in the dawn and crawl under the overs and snuggle together in our shared warmth.

Someone might think that this would be the perfect time for me say those three words to her. I now know that I can. But it's not. The sex was incredible, wonderful and loving but it's only a part of what I feel for Madge and I don't want it to be the center of what we have together but rather a part. A delicious and marvelous part to be sure but only a part. So I wait till the perfect opportunity arises several days later, by which time we have, however, dispensed with those nightshirts. They waste so much time.

It's definitely a NOT a day the old Katniss would have loved. Nor does the new one. It's one of those spring days overtaken by one last cold gasp from the north. A cold rain is falling and everyone, including us, has taken to the indoors.

That's okay because we have visitors from the Capitol. Plutarch is here to finalize details for me, for us, to attend the unveiling of a monument commemorating the end of the Hunger Games and all the tributes that fell during them. The other victors will be there. I don't care about seeing Enobaria but I want to see Annie and the baby born to her and Finnick. I'll be happy to see Beetee and even Johanna, whom I understand so much better than I did before. Plutarch even promises to have Haymitch sober. I'll believe that when I see it.

On the way out he slows and for once becomes serious and even more amazingly quiet as he takes me aside. He tells me that, just in case I'm interested, the Capitol's medical labs have perfected many techniques to allow couples to have children. Even when the couple is two women. He's backed up by a new arrival settling in District Twelve, the doctor who is going to oversee the new plant to produce medicines who has been raving over the incorporation of natural healing mixtures like my mother used to make. He tells me ideas like hers are revolutionizing medicine. I'm glad.

After they leave Madge and I snuggle on the couch in the living room in front of a roaring fire. I remember back in the Seam when the fireplace and the coal burning stove were our only sources of heat. Here we have heat at the touch of a switch but the dancing flames are still as lovely. From the front windows I can see the Meadow all green with new life. I can see where the medicine factory is going up and long line of furrows showing where new crops have been planted. Doctor Aurelius was right. Life has become worth living again. I turn to the woman beside me.

"I love you Madge."

"I know," she smiles and kisses me.

(The End)

(Special thanks to Invader Johnny and Rain Addict CM without whose encouragement I never would have been able to finish this. ALso, there is no real description in the books as to Madge's physical appearance. Since I have to picture her somehow in my mind, especially since we have a VERY clear vision of Katniss I have imagined Madge as looking like Jordanna Brewster in D.E.B.S. Also I know I tend to get carried away with my love scenes but this time being graphic just didn't seem to fit.))


End file.
